Tears and Truth (from August 1st)

I’ve spent a large enough amount of time crying lately because, let’s be honest here, for the past month I have not been doing this. I have dolled out excuse after excuse to James and myself, trying to convince the both of us that this is still headed in a positive direction. Which is an outright lie. The excuses have got to stop. No more “I’m just taking a break for a few days”. No more “I’m just stressed from work”. No more “I’m still eating healthy foods and going for walks”.

None of that is good enough. Food is only healthy if it’s in the right portions. Going for a walk is not enough exercise for me and I am completely aware of that. It’s time to take responsibility back into my own hands and get back on this horse.

I guess… Shopping made me feel good. It made me feel like I had done a good enough job, like I was ‘finished’. But that’s not true… Today I was at West Ed with Mom and she pointed out that next year I’m going to be wearing my grad dress. I realized….I would hate myself if I looked fat in my dress. Like Holy Mother of Jesus, grad is coming. I want to look good. I NEED to look good or I will not forgive myself. Beyond that is my health, my own happiness, my need to feel good about myself.

So what am I going to do about this?

Goals for Tomorrow: Wake up at 6 to exercise. Sweat hard. (Bike ride? Run? Zumba? I’m not sure yet. Maybe more than one of those things. Needs to happen.) Write down EVERYTHING I put in my mouth, BEFORE I put it in my mouth. (This will force me to think about it. It’s worked before, I will make it work again.) Don’t eat after 7 pm. (I know one of my biggest weaknesses lately has been the evening snacking. This habit needs to be broken, and it needs to happen ASAP. It has been happening with a completely unacceptable frequency.)

Mid-Term Goals: when I reach 165 I’m going to buy myself another ring (I just recently got 2 from a collection where you stack them together, I luuurve them) as a reward. Something to give me a little more incentive.

Long Term Goals: I want to be 150 when I put on that grad dress and get my diploma, walking across the stage in front of a thousand people. That is 20 pounds away. That is less than 10 months away. 9.5 months X 4 weeks= 38 weeks. Just over half a pound a week… which means that if I’m going to get there I need to start now.

Good enough is not good enough anymore. I’m a perfectionist for god’s sake, I know how I function. Time to live up to my own standards.

My Summer Goal

So. I got this idea sitting in the lunch room at work, and one of my coworkers had her food in a lulu lemon bag. You know, the ones with all those supposedly inspirational quotes, “eat, floss, sing, travel”….(rolls eyes) lol. However…this bag did have something that has inspired me, so I suppose I no longer have any grounds to make fun of it.

My new goal for this summer is to sweat every day. Every single day. Even if it’s just for 5 minutes, I want to sweat. I’m not entirely certain how I am going to accomplish this task, and it’s probably going to prove itself rather difficult, since sweating generally takes me a while, and it takes me even longer now that I’ve lost weight.

However, I think that even 15 minutes of exercise every day, just enough to make me sweat, (if I can get into the routine of it) will help me be healthier and incorporate exercise more into my everyday living instead of treating it as a chore. I mean, three days a week are already accounted for. Hopefully I can go play tennis with mom on the weekends, and if I work hard enough at that, that will cover one or two more days. What to do with the others? Go for a run? Bike ride? I don’t know… especially since the weather hasn’t been hot lol… though I suppose depending on that would be cheap. Any ideas, readers?

Monday Wednesday and Friday are going to be the toughest. I want something sustainable and doable, something that I will stick with. Hopefully playing outside with the kids at work will help…. I need something, even just for tomorrow! I already did it today, but tomorrow is not a workout day, unless I do an extra wii biggest loser routine. I’m not sure that’s what I want though, if I overdo that, I won’t want to do the scheduled routines. I guess we’ll have to wait and see what the weather brings. If only it would ever stop raining so we could play outside! And the mosquitoes….. ugh.

Well, that’s my goal. Sweat every day. This post was rather long-winded, I guess that previous sentence is really all I needed to say, but if I can’t post my thoughts here, there’s no where to put them. After all, that is kind of the point of a blog. I’ll shut up now.

A Goal In General

DON’T WEIGH MYSELF EVERY DAY. ONCE A WEEK. WEDNESDAYS.****

That is all.

(ps. this drives me insane. But this bipolar nonsense every few days when my weight fluctuates naturally needs to stop.)

****I originally thought my weigh in days on the wii were on Thursdays. However, they are on Wednesdays. Hence the correction.

Also. I’m not going to use my bathroom scale anymore. Just the wii. I will have to get used to judging my weight and how my progress is coming based upon that feedback, it will take a little while to get accustomed to it, but I think in the end, this is the right choice for me.

Goal #2

Well here we are my fine feathered friends.

I begin my next slate with a refreshing weight of 176.5 lbs. I lost 10 lbs in my last goal session! Go me!

I think I will set two goals for myself for the next month.

Part 1: Be consistently below 170 lbs by the time the school year is over. The last day of classes is June 15th.

Part 2: Be able to do 25 pushups on my toes by the same day. My upper body is a weakling and I fail at pushups on my toes. I’ve gotten pretty good at them on my knees, I barely used to be able to do 5 on my knees, so I’ve improved a lot. But that’s a pretty hefty goal.

I’m pretty certain I can beat the weight portion. Going to have to work hard on the upper body strength in order to beat the second one. But I am okay with that!!!

My First Goal

I just used the Ideal Weight Calculator I posted, and I tested it first to see if it matched what my doctor has told me previously. It did.

My ideal weight range (for my height of 5feet 8inches) is between 130 and 160 pounds. (This leaves room for a margin of body type and build, because ever person is gloriously, wonderfully different =] )

Now obviously I’m not gonna be able to hit all that in one crack.

BABY STEPS.

My present goal is to be below 180.0 lbs CONSISTENTLY by my birthday. That means that I don’t care what time of day it is or how much I’ve eaten or if I’ve gone to the bathroom or not, I want to be below 180 and let that be that.

I have 4 weeks left to accomplish this goal. Is it possible? Yes. Will I be able to do it? I think so.

Here I am, and this is my very first goal. I hope all who are out there are supporting me, or at the very least are finding this blog useful in some way, shape or form. Set your own goals, tell someone around you about them, get support, get started!