I will not meet this goal. That is a fact. But I’m back to starting to work harder again at this, and I know I can do this. My eating today was significantly better, even if I did eat a bit too much this evening. Trying to be positive about it and focus on what’s good. Tomorrow will be a better day.
Did a half hour work out this morning, it was a lot better for me, as I predicted having shorter ones would be, especially because I can just get up 15 minutes early instead of like an hour early. Which is rather wonderful. I like sleeping.
Too many desserts in the house right now. I was really good at school all day today. But then I got home and ate a cookie. Then I had a piece of Amish friendship cinnamon cake. Then….half an hour I had another piece.
I also ate two chocolate truffles I got in Paris. Urgh. I did so well at school and then just lost it when I got home.
James and I had a long talk on the phone last night and we decided together that weighing myself every day needs to stop once and for all. No more excuses, no more “forgetting” and doing it anyway. Tonight was so hard… I did it though. I walked away from the scale. After eating that cake I’m so paranoid and I REALLY want to know…. but I will wait until Thursday. Thursday is weigh-in day. Perhaps I should put the scale in the closet where I won’t see it every day and night. Maybe that would help, so it’s not there to stare me in the face and fill me with guilt…..
I was going through a notebook of mine and found the original diary entry I made ( the precursor to this blog). The very first one that began this initiative. This is the attitude I need to get back to:
“Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011. 9:30 pm, 186.0 lbs. Days till Birthday: 39
I’m doing this for me. Not for anyone else. This is for myself, my health, my well0being, my future. Me. It’s time. Eating semi-well isn’t enough anymore. Smaller meals and snacks starting tomorrow. This isn’t frivolous anymore. this is a commitment. I will find something that works for me and I will stick to it. I owe it to myself. It’s time. I love him. He wants me to be happy, to love myself as much as he loves me. I have someone to work with here <3.”
I need that mentality back stuck in my brain. It needs to stay. Because I DID find something that worked for me, and I lost a bit more than 10 pounds using it. But when I met my goal, I let myself slide off the bandwagon. Time to run, catch up and get back on, Em!!
I can do this. I will do this. For myself. Doing things for other people is easy. Doing things for myself is what works. End of story. Needs to happen.
When I fail to accomplish this goal (I need to start working on the push-ups again, maybe I can at least get that part), I will set a new one, and I will stick to it. I need this.