My adventure to achieve a healthy weight!

And that’s about it. Because that’s all I’ve done this summer. I set goals for myself, and then just let myself squander them away, along with any potential for success. I have no idea where to move next.

I ate myself to the point of nearly throwing up tonight. I’m in tears, straining from the stomach pains, wishing I could vomit without forcing myself…

I’ve gained 3 pounds back as of this morning…. 172. As of tonight, I’m 174.5, but I’m hoping most of that is food……

I don’t know what to do. I’m so exhausted, all I can think about is crying and feeling sick. I don’t know how to fix this. It’s hopeless….

What am I supposed to do? I’ve been exercising….I just have no self control. I eat and eat and eat and EAT AND EAT AND EAT.

I feel like I’m going to explode. I hate myself right now.

I never follow through with counting calories anymore. I try to portion my meals well, but by the time dinner rolls around I just shovel it all down my throat.

How do I do this? How do I get myself to stop eating?

I just…. It hurts so badly right now. I can’t even begin to think about breakfast.

Hopefully I can take this and turn it into something productive…. like never doing this again.

I want so badly to sit here and think to myself that nothing is going to work, so I should just give up. But I KNOW I’ve had success! I know that something has worked for me before….I just don’t know how to get it back. I don’t know how to make it to the next step. I hurt. I’m in tears. I’m in pain. WHAT IS the next step?!

I’m too tired to think rationally.

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