My adventure to achieve a healthy weight!

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i feel like such a failure…

And that’s about it. Because that’s all I’ve done this summer. I set goals for myself, and then just let myself squander them away, along with any potential for success. I have no idea where to move next.

I ate myself to the point of nearly throwing up tonight. I’m in tears, straining from the stomach pains, wishing I could vomit without forcing myself…

I’ve gained 3 pounds back as of this morning…. 172. As of tonight, I’m 174.5, but I’m hoping most of that is food……

I don’t know what to do. I’m so exhausted, all I can think about is crying and feeling sick. I don’t know how to fix this. It’s hopeless….

What am I supposed to do? I’ve been exercising….I just have no self control. I eat and eat and eat and EAT AND EAT AND EAT.

I feel like I’m going to explode. I hate myself right now.

I never follow through with counting calories anymore. I try to portion my meals well, but by the time dinner rolls around I just shovel it all down my throat.

How do I do this? How do I get myself to stop eating?

I just…. It hurts so badly right now. I can’t even begin to think about breakfast.

Hopefully I can take this and turn it into something productive…. like never doing this again.

I want so badly to sit here and think to myself that nothing is going to work, so I should just give up. But I KNOW I’ve had success! I know that something has worked for me before….I just don’t know how to get it back. I don’t know how to make it to the next step. I hurt. I’m in tears. I’m in pain. WHAT IS the next step?!

I’m too tired to think rationally.

Fantastic Pic!

Sorry I don’t know how to get the photo to actually show in the post, but just stick that link into your browser and be happy for me! It’s incredible! Those are the pants that fit me in grade 7 and I just put them on and took a picture today 🙂 5 and a half years later, I am SO much thinner!

Belly Bustin’!

Started a new routine today, since I was crowned BIGGEST LOSER yesterday!! 😀 I was 167!!!

Looks like counting calories is paying off. I went a bit over today, by roughly 20 calories. Need to start being more careful. I’ve been overeating the past couple days.

New routine focuses on ABS, and it goes for 8 weeks, so hopefully by the end of summer I’ll be feeling spectacular and shapely enough to buy that bikini….wearing it is a whole different story, but we’ll see!

Eating today was interesting. Had baked chips (210 cals), puff wheat square (est 150 calories) and half a cookie from second cup (140 cals)….and half a truffle from france (50 ish cals)

So yeah. A lot more bad food than normal. Plus way too many taco chips with dinner. But oh well, Only went over by about 20 or so, so not too awful…

Not looking forward to chem exam tomorrow. So exhausted.

Happy Day!

Today, while it was filled with studying for chemistry, was a good day. My workout felt amazing, did 30 minutes of box fit, felt so good, then did an extra 15 minutes. Also went for a quick 15 minute walk with mom in the rain. Ate pretty well. feeling excellent. 🙂

Danced pretty hardcore while doing my workouts, Kesha and Cher!!!

Sitting at 1435 calories today, almost perfectly on mark. I thought I was going to go over, but I portioned carefully at dinner and even had leftovers for some tortilla chips and a coconut popsicle. OM NOM!

Was just a really good day. Delicious home made bread, dance music and a happy disposition 😀

I Feel Spectacular!

Well. Besides the fact that I didn’t eat the best and skipped my workout today…

I’m really starting to FEEL better. I’m starting to notice that this is working. It feels amazing. I looked in the mirror tonight, and instead of feeling icky from eating popcorn and chocolate today, and over-visualizing a tummy that’s barely there, I felt good. I have a figure. I barely have a stomach anymore. My hips are smooth and nicely defined, but not too big and fatty.

I feel pretty.

It’s freaking amazing.

Went for a walk with mom and stayed within my caloric limit even if my choices weren’t the greatest. Have a bit of heartburn from eating chocolate too late (yes James, you were right, as always….SIGH 😛 ), and I’m a bit too full because I wasn’t really hungry when I ate dinner.

But my mentality…. That overwhelms what I normally would have considered a bad day. It’s a wonderful day! got 99% on my Biology 20 final, to end my mark with a 99% 😀 and I had a great afternoon with my sweetheart.

….Paris chocolates are delicious…..Just sayin’…… OM NOM NOM!

A Day At Home

Ate a bit too much today, mom made homemade bread….and that’s my only excuse. It’s a weakness of mine….the fluffy, warm, fresh bread with butter……well, suffice to say….. 400 calories later, I only have a few hundred left for dinner.

But I enjoyed the day to myself, worked out really hard, and I think today was the best I’ve ever done in terms of completing all of the arm exercises during my routine.

Did the full set of plank switches on my toes, did the full set of plank with knee tucks on my toes, did half of the dolphin plank on my toes, did 5 push ups on my toes and finished the entire set on my knees.

I felt really good after, and I think I did really well.

Besides too much bread around 4 this afternoon I ate REALLY healthily today. Toast with jam and fruit for breakfast, a granola bar for snack, hot red river (flax) cereal with unsweetened dried fruit and slivered almonds for lunch, the bread for snack, and zigni stew with ugali for dinner (see recipe).

I think I did relatively well considering I was home alll day which is usually brutal for me, just being around the food….it was tough and I did well. I’m proud of myself. only went over by about 50 to 100 cals, which is really not too bad.

It was a decent day. Exam tomorrow….blah. Need to get a good sleep.

Miles to the Finish Line: 33

Worked out this morning 50 minutes of hard circuit training. Was brutal because I haven’t been exercising as much as I should be the past two weeks. 😦

Also. Eating was okay but not the greatest. Ugh. Need to really try to shape up. GOing to be a hard day tomorrow because I’m home alone 😦 grr. WILLPOWER WHERE ARE YOU?!