I am sick and tired of failing and having to pick myself back up off the ground, stand up, only to fall back down again.
Something major needs to change here.
I decided tomorrow I am going to start counting calories.
I will tell you what I consumed today.
Breakfast: protein cereal with dried cranberries, no milk. Snack: cinnamon bun with glaze. Lunch: leftover homemade pizza with veggies from last night. Snack: fat free frozen yogurt Snack: popcorn with butter, salt and m&ms. Snack: another cinnamon bun.
pretty much only one proper meal. That’s bad.
I’m starting to think maybe not weighing myself very often is not the best choice for me….. It makes me more conscious of what I eat, for one thing, and it makes me feel guilty and horrible when the number gets too big. Without it, I have no check on myself, I have no self control lately! Ugh!
But if I’m counting calories, maybe that will bring me into check. Being absolutely certain of every morsel I put in my mouth will hopefully fix this problem. Being fat needs to end. Being a failure every time, even with a clean start every week, giving myself breaks and not feeling bad, being a failure needs to end.
I want to see success, I want to feel success. I want to lose the weight and be healthy.
I feel like crap after that goddamned cinnamon bun tonight.
I hate the feeling of going to sleep on a full stomach.
I hate the feeling of knowing I’ve let myself down yet again.
Things need to change.